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January 26, 2011

Weekend at the Cabin = SbiG-Tacular

WATC is in the house! I just received the DVD in the mail and had to watched it. As predicted, it’s a pretty brutal viewing. But it is pure SbiG Magic.

Right out of the gate, the writing is absolutely atrocious. As I watched this little opus the only thing that comes to mind was this whole production was a vehicle for the film maker to touch some boobies…and it’s really, really obvious.

There is one scene where the film maker / Antagonist in the film attacks a girl in the shower and it’s almost porn, and it comes out of nowhere with no real rhyme or reason.

The first thing you see in the opening scene of the film is badly edited gratuitous shots of a busty girl, top ripped open running down a hillside with boobs flopping all over the place. I have nothing against boobs or sexy shots in a horror film but this comes across as a pre-teen’s fantasy project.

All the dialog is juvenile as if a 12 year old wrote the script. It’s really that bad. Always a long fade between shots which gets annoying and all the shot sequences are abrupt and disjointed.

There are painful interactions between actor couples that play out as if it were written by somebody that had never been in a relationship before and stringing together cliché’s from bad 80s sitcoms. Even worse is dialog in place letting you know that the hottest playmate model looking girl in the film thinks the dumpy fat guy in the film is “Cute” or “Likes” him….and you guessed it…the dumpy fat guy is the writer / director of the film of course.

All the stab scenes / killer interaction is horrible. VFX or Practical FX make-up is nearly non-existent. Music choices are awful, the audio drops in and out in places. The Film is cropped into a Square. Not even 4:3…its literally a square on screen.

That said, I would say that some of the actors if given decent dialog and decent story would have fared much better. Cean Huston with actually good dialog could have been good here. He seems to have a presence and projection on screen. Some of the others could have been much better as well.

Teresa Noreen, the obvious focal point of the Antagonists’ fixation might have done a better job with a better script, but it was pretty obvious from the ridiculous ultra-tight cut up white half shirt and hard protruding nipples that giving her any kind of real dimension was not even close to the Film Maker’s first priority.

She does have a screen presence and is quite easy on the eyes to look at…especially when half of her scenes are gratuitous wearing most of the Fredrick’s of Hollywood catalog. One of the Odd things of course is the DVD art which is absolutely terrible. You would think with an asset as hot as Teresa Noreen, he could have easily came up with a slick DVD cover that…I don’t know…maybe made you actually want to think about buying this POS? Hello!

The award for the Razzie however has to go to Moulton himself for the atrociously acted killer who actually gives a pretty creepy performance in places, but for all the wrong reasons. A couple scenes you almost have to take a shower afterwards to wash the sleaze off.

Kind of a bummer because you look at it and see “some” potential here. I applaud an Indie Film maker that can take a product to completion and on that front alone he did here…I guess. With a little scrutiny, reality check, homework, better writing and planning…this could-a, should-a, would-a been a much better production. Not Great, but maybe watchable.

For SbiG however, its a gold mine…Major Score. :-) Looking forward to having a great laugh with ya all tomorrow evening.

Now I sooo want to make Crazy Cabin. lol…

SbiG Night
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9 Comments
  1. Break out the Chilly-Dilly’s :-)

  2. You outdid yourself. This was a true classic!

  3. Never has a film used slow fade outs and fade ins and 3 minute medium shots to lesser effect than this “film”. And I think the bear union has a cause to sue for libel.

  4. Dont forget to head over to Amazon.com and write a review. lol..

    I’m sure Moulton-Lava wants your feedback on his Masterpiece.

  5. I think the review by Robert Hunter was pretty gracious :)

  6. Picture this – Duane running around half naked in a bear costume with furry steel claws, bear hat and speed-o killing off select members of his old high school graduating class that used to make fun of him after he was molested at camp by a Cub Scout leader who got kicked out of his home town, went to jail, got out, changed his identity and his appearance, faked his credentials and joined the police force to finally move back to this same town years later as Sheriff to take his revenge out on the residence of said town and re-kindle his once forbidden love affair with the child who is now a grown man with a mustache who now has successfully lured his former classmates by faking a contest to a remote cabin in the woods and the two of them together team up in a diabolical plan to teach them all firsthand about the anal stretching legend of……deep breath………Bear Boy. :-)

    Bear Boy

  7. Now I am scared. I just sewed my anus shut!

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